How To Get What You Really, Really Want

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You asked your dream client for something you need to win the deal and to deliver for them should you win. Your dream client said no to your request. Going without it increases the likelihood that you will lose, and it makes it likely your change effort will be more disruptive than it might otherwise be if you won the opportunity.

You may be tempted to go without. But that would be a mistake.

No Attachment to Method. Attachment to the Outcome.

When you want something, it is easy to pursue obtaining it in the way that has most often worked for you in the past. If it worked before, it will work again, right? No. The method you used to get what you want may have worked before, but it is not guaranteed to work every time it is tried.

The circumstances may now be different. The context of your request may be very different. The person from who you are trying to obtain what you need may have very different needs that make your past approach less likely to succeed with them. They may have their own individual preferences, and those preferences may be unknown to you.

Most often we are attached to the method, and not attached enough to the outcome.

The reason we are so easily attached to methods is because we are comfortable with the method. Choosing any other method to get the outcome we need would make us uncomfortable. It would stretch us and it would force us to deal with the unknown, and the unknown is always scary. What if it goes badly? What if they say no?

It is possible that choosing another method comes with risks, but more often than not, deals are lost in sales by a failure to act, and not as often from acting in your best interest—especially when it is also in your dream client’s best interest. Your fiercest competitor in sales is the beliefs you hold that cause you to fear acting.

To get what you really want, you cannot be attached to the method. Instead, you have to be attached to the outcome that you need.

The Outcome Requires Perseverance

If you need something from your dream client—or from your internal team or your management—then you are going to have to be prepared to persevere to get it. You are going to have to be doggedly determined, stubborn, and pig-headed (Poor qualities in someone who is disagreeable, no doubt. Essential to successful people who can activate these qualities with a smile on their face and with exceptionally high EQ.)

To get what you want, you are going to have to ask. And ask. And ask. And ask. You are going to have vary your approach, find other ways, negotiating and making trade offs, selling to obstacles, waiting people out, and playing politics.

You need what you need to win the deal. It is your job to get it. That means you have to do all that is necessary, even when it makes you uncomfortable and even when it isn’t easy. Those who succeed in sales persevere.


To get what you really need in sales, you have to be detached from the method you use to get it and you must be willing to persevere.


    1. When you know what you need, how attached are you to the method you are using to obtain it? Are you comfortable asking through email because you find it easier than a conversation that might require you to deal with hard questions? Would a conversation be more effective? Would a face-to-face meeting improve your chances even more?
    1. What can you do to face the fear of that which makes you uncomfortable? How can you expand the methods and tools that you use to ask for and to obtain the commitments that you need to move your opportunities forward?
  1. How many times should you be prepared to ask for what you need to win and to succeed? If it is really important, what does it say about you that you have given up after asking only once? What does it say about you that you have only tried one method of asking? Are you really determined? Are you the kind of person who will succeed at any cost of awarded your dream client’s business?

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