On Awareness and Coaching

There are two mistakes coaches routinely make, without knowing it. Because they are unaware of these mistakes, their results are often not what they would and should be. When these two mistakes are present, coaching fails, and if the coaching does any real help, it is often fleeting.

It isn't your fault that you haven't been taught or trained to coach effectively. It's doubtful you have had a coach yourself, and if you did, they may have had a coach that also had no training as a coach. Much of the time, your coach might have started by suggesting the topic they believe will help you the most. If that is what you experienced, you may be making the same mistakes they made.

Skipping Past Awareness

In a recent prompt from LinkedIn, I wrote that one of two things is possible when coaching. The first possibility is that the person you are coaching is aware of where they need coaching to improve their results, which leads us to the second state, one we can describe as an unawareness of the behaviors that give rise to their poor results.

Instead, the coach suggests that the person should focus on what their client needs to succeed in the future. It might sound like this: "Jim, I've noticed you haven't been booking the meetings you need to hit your targets," and with that, Jim is no longer being coached, as that outcome of the coaching has already been determined by the coach. This approach removes the autonomy of the person being coached, making coaching something done to them instead of with them.

Even if the coach is correct about Jim’s failure to acquire the number of first meetings he needs to succeed in hitting in their targets, there are better ways to begin a coaching conversation without allowing the client to participate in the conversation. Maybe Jim is already aware of his challenge in scheduling client meetings.

Jim may also be wholly unaware he has fallen behind in this work. You may need to suggest that he should focus on his poor results if you believe Jim will be harmed if he doesn’t make improvements.

The Powerful Question: What Has Your Attention?

By asking your client “What has your attention?” you open the possibility that they might already be aware of where their results need to improve. But you also open the possibility your client might have something more important to them. By asking this open-ended question, you allow your client to share something about themselves.

There are few clients who don’t have something they want to pursue, even if it isn’t what you wanted them to address. You are often better off dealing with what has their attention, and suggesting you get back to address what you wanted them to address. Only when your client is at risk of a negative event that might harm them now or in the future, you may ask to deal with an issue before it is too late.

Solving the Client’s Problem

If you have ever had the experience of a coach solving your challenge, then you know that the conversation is about making the behavioral change they want from you. I don’t know about you, but I have enough dependents to know I don’t need more of them at work.

It’s important to coach in such a way that your client solves their own problems with your help as a guide, or a sounding board, or providing a set of questions that will cause the person being coached to work on what they might need to do to improve their results, including the behavioral changes necessary to solve their own problem, with you allowing them to work through their plan.

As a coach, it isn’t your responsibility to solve their problems. It is, however, your responsibility to provide a coaching experience that enables your client to do this work with your help. Unless your client isn’t capable of working through their problem, you are almost always better off asking questions and allowing your client to struggle to find their own answers.

What To Do If Your Client Fails

One good practice is to ask for permission to share your ideas and strategies, but only after your client runs out of ideas. By asking for permission, you ensure your client still has their autonomy. By sharing, you leave the decision to the person you are coaching. They may take or leave the advice, as you are encouraging them to solve their problem, causing them to increase their confidence.

As a coach, you are responsible for increasing their ability to succeed, with some part of this coming from your coaching and your example as a leader. The more you can level up clients the more they will come to your coaching with an idea about what has their attention, having some ideas about what they will want to do to improve what has their attention. You and your client will both enjoy your coaching sessions.

With the right approach, your clients will look forward to your coaching meetings, as they are less about what has your attention and more about what has their attention. You can always ask for another coaching session in the following week.

The Value of Coaching

The value of coaching goes beyond the behavioral changes, even though that is an important outcome. Helping your clients improve their ability to solve their problems is an equally important outcome.

It’s also an excellent way to invest in your client. It also helps you develop a better relationship with the people you coach. It is often a gift to the person being coached, including the gift of listening. If you are a coach or a sales manager that coaches, try starting with the question “What has your attention?”