Announcing My Candidacy for President of the United States

I never write about politics here. If you work in sales, you need to understand that your politics are going to offend 50% of the people with whom you share them (mine offend a number greater than 50%). It isn’t helpful to winning friends and influencing people, and it isn’t what you are paid to do.

That said, I am long the United States of America, and I am short pessimism and negativity. Even if there were to be a double dip recession, I’d still wager on an American comeback. It’s our national DNA. It’s who we are. It’s what we do.

The business of America is business. We need to remember that we are still exceptional, we are still a beacon for hope and liberty in a dark world, and that we are still a shiny city on a hill.

My agenda? Simple. Restore optimism and confidence. I think I can sell it! And I’ll line up a killer cabinet to help me do so.

My Cabinet

Chief of Staff – Lisa Petrilli: To do well as President of the United States, you need a strong Chief of Staff. They take care of all kinds of things, but most importantly they decide who gets the President’s time. Lisa is diminutive in stature, with a great, big disarming smile. But her spine is made of steel, and she will smile warmly, and tell those who would waste my time, “No, you cannot see the President.” And they would not see the President.

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Vice President – Steve Woodruff: My friend from New Jersey’s job will be to wake up every morning and make sure I didn’t die during the night. My political enemies will never dream of harming me knowing that Steve would take over as President. They don’t need that kind of action. Plus, he’s my strong arm in case of a tie in the Senate. He’s a true gentleman, and as relentless as a rainstorm.

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David Brock – Special Advisor to the President: Sometimes you need someone you trust to tell you that you are full of it. You need someone who will speak truth to power and tell you that the biggest problem you are facing is you. Dave is the guy I trust to tell me where my own blind spots are (and I never have to ask more than once!).

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Secretary of Defense – Mark Safranski: Let’s face it, we’ve got our hands full right now. Mark is a student of history, of military history, and 4th Generation Warfare. He has a keen intellect, a strategic mind, and he can unravel this knot.

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Secretary of State – Lou Imbriano: Lou ran marketing for the Patriots. Now he runs his own firm, Trinity 1, and he has a book coming out this October called Winning the Customer. Lou is a masterful entertainer, and I believe that he can get a peace accord out the Israelis and the Palestinians on the field at halftime during a Patriot’s game. He knows how to make a deal.

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Secretary of Health and Human Services – Molly Cantrell-Kraig: Molly runs the Women With Drive Foundation. She literally helps women in need get transportation so they can gain their independence. I am the son of a single Mom, and I get it. But no one gets it more than Molly; she walks her talk.

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Secretary of Education – Angela Maiers: Everyone knows our educational system is a giant mess. Angela is a relentless, passionate agent for change. She believes children need to learn the habits and attitudes required to succeed in the 21st Century (habitudes), and I will arm her with the absolute authority to get this done.

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Press Secretary – Judy Martin: You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth. Judy is the real deal. She is an Emmy-award winning broadcaster now, and she wishes she were Secretary of Labor (she loves work-life balance . . . I don’t). She will protect me from the press, and she knows every trick in the book.

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Attorney General – Charlie Green: Charlie is the world’s foremost authority on trust. I need someone to pursue the nation’s legal business that understands the real ethical issues, but that balances that with a pro-business, pro-growth, optimistic outlook.

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I am missing a Treasury Secretary. Who goes in that spot?

If you were leading, who would you put in your cabinet?

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