--- title: Non-Directive Coaching Isn’t Soft | The Sales Blog description: When I decided to really adopt a non-directive coaching approach as a method to help people grow, I engaged an employee that worked for me about a challenge he was facing. I asked him, “What are some options that are available to you?” He said, “I don’t know. What do you think I should do?” I […] image: https://www.thesalesblog.com/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/Screen-Shot-2014-02-21-at-7_58_21-PM.png --- ### [Now booking SKO meetings for 2026/27! 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I asked him, “What are some options that are available to you?” He said, “I don’t know. What do you think I should do?” I responded, “Well, I think you might start by identifying some of the options you might consider.” He said, “It would be easier for me if you told me what you think I should do.” I redirected, “Well, what are some things you might consider?” Exasperated, he said “Can’t you just tell me what you would do?” It was then I flipped to a more directive mode of [coaching](http://thesalesblog.com/blog/2012/02/03/the-differences-in-managing-and-sales-coaching/). I said, “I could tell you what to do, but I don’t want to. I want to help you learn how to think about this so you don’t ever need me to tell you what to do. I hired you because you’re smart. What do you think you could do?” #### Hard Stuff Some managers and leaders believe that because they aren’t directing, dictating, and telling the person they are coaching exactly what they want them to do, what they need them to do, or what they would do in a situation, that it somehow makes them “soft.” Nothing could be further from the truth. There is nothing “soft” about helping someone grow. There is nothing soft about helping someone draw upon their own resourcefulness and creativity. But it’s more that. While a non-directive approach may feel softer, it is actually “harder.” The person being coached is being forced to think through their challenge for themselves instead of relying on someone to provide them with an answer. It can be frustrating, especially as it forces them out of their comfort zone and requires them face their own beliefs and behaviors. It’s easier to have someone tell you what to do, resist and resent it, and occasionally use that person as the scapegoat in a moment of cynicism. Over time, the person being coached is being moved from “dependent” to “independent.” This process helps to develop the person being coached both personally and professionally. And I promise you, it is anything but soft. Being directive eliminates the need for the person being coached to think for themselves. Always being directive will destroy initiative, resourcefulness, and growth–and it will destroy your [leadership](http://thesalesblog.com/blog/2013/04/19/the-potential-engine-a-note-to-sales-leadership/) pipeline. ###### Tags: [Sales](https://www.thesalesblog.com/blog/tag/sales) [2014](https://www.thesalesblog.com/blog/tag/2014) Post by [Anthony Iannarino](https://www.thesalesblog.com/blog/author/anthony-iannarino) on February 21, 2014 Written and edited by human brains and human hands. ![Anthony Iannarino](https://www.thesalesblog.com/hubfs/ai-blog-profile-crop.jpg) Anthony Iannarino is an American writer. He has published daily at [thesalesblog.com](https://www.thesalesblog.com) for more than 14 years, amassing over 5,300 articles and making this platform a destination for salespeople and sales leaders. Anthony is also the author of four best-selling books documenting modern sales methodologies and a fifth book for sales leaders seeking revenue growth. His latest book for an even wider audience is titled, The Negativity Fast: Proven Techniques to Increase Positivity, Reduce Fear, and Boost Success. Anthony speaks to sales organizations worldwide, delivering cutting-edge sales strategies and tactics that work in this ever-evolving B2B landscape. He also provides workshops and seminars. Connect with Anthony on LinkedIn, X or Youtube. You can email Anthony at [iannarino@gmail.com](mailto:iannarino@gmail.com) [Follow me on my website](https://www.thesalesblog.com/anthony-iannarino) [Follow me on Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/thesalesblog) [Follow me on LinkedIn ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/iannarino/) [Follow me on Twitter ](http://www.twitter.com/iannarino) [![AISA-square-ad-SKOs-26-27](https://www.thesalesblog.com/hs-fs/hubfs/AISA-square-ad-SKOs-26-27.jpg?width=400&height=400&name=AISA-square-ad-SKOs-26-27.jpg)](https://www.thesalesblog.com/authority) [![ai-cold-calling-video-sidebar-offer-1](https://www.thesalesblog.com/hs-fs/hubfs/ai-cold-calling-video-sidebar-offer-1.jpg?width=318&height=179&name=ai-cold-calling-video-sidebar-offer-1.jpg)](https://www.thesalesblog.com/free-cold-calling-video) ![salescall-planner-ebook-v3-1-cover (1)](https://www.thesalesblog.com/hs-fs/hubfs/salescall-planner-ebook-v3-1-cover%20(1).jpg?width=768&height=994&name=salescall-planner-ebook-v3-1-cover%20(1).jpg) ### Free Sales eBook: Sales Call Planner Planning your sales call improves the likelihood of making a successful call, and it demonstrates to your dream client your professionalism. 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What we’re doing right now **is working**, even in this challenging economy. **Would you like some help?** [![Solve for Sales](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/2922376/d3a4938b-2008-4a27-8b44-7b2223f6d035.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/2922376/d3a4938b-2008-4a27-8b44-7b2223f6d035) ### Join my Weekly Newsletter for Sales Tips Join 100,000+ sales professionals in my weekly newsletter and get my *Guide to Becoming a Sales Hustler* eBook for FREE! --- ```json { "@context" : "http://schema.org/", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Anthony Iannarino" }, "dateModified" : "2021-09-17T2:01:30 PM", "datePublished" : "2014-02-21 21:00:50", "description" : "When I decided to really adopt a non-directive coaching approach as a method to help people grow, I engaged an employee that worked for me about a challenge he was facing. I asked him, “What are some options that are available to you?” He said, “I don’t know. 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